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 Holy Jesus, what are these goddamn animals?

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Sep 17, 2001

I've been upset for days over what happened last Tuesday. It really knocked me on my ass, mentally and emotionally speaking. It's been almost a week now. The depression is fading. For the first time tonight since the attack, I drew something. It was a political cartoon for a newsletter a friend is making. I was asked to do it.


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But I was halfway through inking it when I decided to dip into my electronica/techno mp3s. Velvet Acid Christ, good God. This stuff courses through my body like chasing down a bottle of No-Doz with three triple-chocolate Frappacinos with double-espresso shots. My hands shake. And suddenly I was filled with rage.

So I surrendered, and I let myself do what it wanted. My body can barely contain me. And I broke the lead in the pencil no less than six times through the wood, I was drawing so violently. (I squeeze my pencils way too tightly even when I'm not furious.) Every time I tried to sharpen it, a chunk of the broken lead would fall out. I ended up just scribbling with a splintery nub.

Good thing no one lets me near any red buttons. I am so fucking pissed.


One good strategy... (5.00 / 1) (#1)
by elenchos on Mon Sep 17th, 2001 at 11:41:38 PM PST to find meaning and purpose in things outside yourself. For example, it was discovered that the high suicide rate among women in prison decreases dramatically if they are given responsibility for the care of a dog (I guess they visited them part-time or something). This is why many people say they never felt so happy in their own live as when they became fully committed to some larger cause.

Taken to an extreme, it can lead to joining UFO cults and such, which I have nothing against, but some people have a sort of "UFO cults are bad" attitude, you know? Be that as it may, I think you have to agree that there is substantial evidence that through the voluntary sacrifice of one's own personal wants and feelings, one's genuine, healthy sense of self is ironically enhanced.

Consider further, if you will, the etymology of the word "yoga." Deep, eh?

I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill

Hey... (5.00 / 1) (#2)
by jin wicked on Mon Sep 17th, 2001 at 11:46:49 PM PST
I want a dog.

"Ars longa, vita brevis...Art is long, life is short."

Dogs are an awesome responsibility. (5.00 / 1) (#3)
by elenchos on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 12:04:37 AM PST
They change your life complely. Never again can you do anything you want, free of care. For example, you cannot just hop on a plane or a bus and visit your friends for the weekend. You have to stop and think about who will take care of the dog. You can't even really go out for the evening without planning ahead as for your dog's welfare. Unlike cats, which can be left with a few bowls of water and a pile of dry food to get them through two or three days, dogs need constant daily attention. They have to be let out to walk at least four times a day, at fairly rigidly set hours. Same with their meals. You could leave a lot of food out all the time for them, but most breeds will overeat and become fat, and then die of heart disease before they're five. Speaking of which, you have vaccinations, licenses, spaying and neutering, toys, grooming stuff, obedince school... it never ends.

If you have a job, you can go work eight hours, plus commute time, and that's about it. If you stay away much longer than that, they will mess up your rugs, and proably start chewing up everything in sight. And the whole time you are gone, you will be thinking about the pain the poor animal is in trying to hold it, loyal beasts that they are. So you can't go shopping or go for a drink after work. You have to go straight home.

And then raising and training a puppy is a whole other challenge. They learn from every personal foible you have, and if you aren't disciplined and extremely consistent, they will pick up all kinds of bad habits that will haunt you for the dog's entire life.

It's like having a kid. Your carefree days on the club scene are over. I strongly recommend it for you. I think having a dog would really be a growth experience. You should first read something by the Monks of New Skete, like The Art of Raising a Puppy, or How to be Your Dog's Best Friend.

I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill

Dog! (5.00 / 1) (#4)
by jin wicked on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 12:17:27 AM PST
Dog, dog dog dog. Dog? Dog. Dog... dog dog dog, dog! Dog!

"Ars longa, vita brevis...Art is long, life is short."

Dogs are a responsibility, children are an awesome (5.00 / 2) (#7)
by Adam Rightmann on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 05:33:28 AM PST

Having both one dog and two children, I estimate that a dog takes 1/10th the effort to raise as child (not counting for the reduced lifespan of a dog). I've never raised a puppy, but our babies take almost constant nursingm burping, wiping and changing, with the occasional nap.

I'd be interested in other parent's/dog owner's opinions.

A. Rightmann

yes (5.00 / 2) (#9)
by motherfuckin spork on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 06:15:50 AM PST
having done the dog thing in the past, and currently having one kid with another in process, I gotta say the dog is much much easier than raising a kid. For one, the dog can let you know what it wants much faster than the child can. I certaintly do not look forward to the joys of toilet training (newspapers were so easy for the puppy).

My son is a constant barrage of needs, wants, demands, poopy-diapers, and ravaging mess-making. The dog once ate-up one of my sneakers. Once.

Admittedly, the dog was a while ago, and I shared the responsibilty with my younger brother. But my son is quite current, and I share the responsibility with my wife. Similar, but very, very different.

It should also be noted that my son is significantly cuter than the dog ever was.

I am not who you think I am.

She is going to run out an have a baby now, and... (5.00 / 1) (#19)
by elenchos on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 10:18:45 AM PST and Rightman are going to be to blame! I only thought she should get a dog, or maybe volunteer with the Red Cross or whatever. Something realistic to begin with, you know? But here you are talking up this parenthood thing! Let her get a dog first, and if that works out well, consider reproducing in say 10 or 15 years. You realize she is but a child herself, right?

I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill

I hope she doesn't have a child (none / 0) (#20)
by Adam Rightmann on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 10:30:26 AM PST
Rearing a child is tough enough for a married Christian family, let alone a single woman. In fact, most of the crime in the United States is committed by children of single parent homes. I'm not saying that all children from single parent homes should be kept in dorms as wards of the state or Church, but it would really lower the crime rate and give a chance to instill good Christian values in the kids. They would probably thank us in the long run.

A. Rightmann

I was hasty, I apologize (none / 0) (#21)
by Adam Rightmann on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 10:32:25 AM PST
what I meant to say was that I hope this Jin waits until she is married before she engages in procreative sex.

A. Rightmann

Ugh... (5.00 / 1) (#22)
by jin wicked on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 11:56:53 AM PST
I said I want a dog, not kids.

Kids are messy and expensive and the consequences will be much more inconvienient if it accidentally ate some of my turpentine or oil paint. :P

"Ars longa, vita brevis...Art is long, life is short."

People everwhere (none / 0) (#24)
by TheReverand on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 01:21:54 PM PST
Are breathing a sigh of relief.

well... her info says that she's 21 (none / 0) (#36)
by motherfuckin spork on Thu Sep 20th, 2001 at 10:38:30 AM PST
not too far off... I was married by age 23. Of course, we didn't have our first child until we were 27...

I am not who you think I am.

Just going by how she sounds... (none / 0) (#37)
by elenchos on Fri Sep 21st, 2001 at 09:10:17 AM PST is far more accurate to say she is 16 -- regardless of what her paperwork claims. And in this world, even 21 is way too young. You need to have a clear idea of exactly who you are before you start taking that responsibility. Any way you look at it, she is far, far too young.

I think the minimum age for marriage should be 28. And I think we need a federal-level agency to enforce it. Perhaps a new cabinet seceratary. Or maybe just let anyone get married who can come in with a dog at least 3 years old that can heel, sit, stay, come, and walk through a crowded room without bothering anyone. If a person can't even train a dog for that, then you definitely aren't ready.

I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill

pets or meat (none / 0) (#35)
by Anonymous Coward on Wed Sep 19th, 2001 at 10:26:31 AM PST
Kids are more than 10 times harder than dogs. Though one hard part with dogs is that they die before you, and inshala, kids do not.
-- Support the home page homeless.

Rats (5.00 / 1) (#25)
by Verminator on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 02:44:58 PM PST
You should get rats instead. They don't take up as much space and don't make a mess. They're cheap to obtain and feed. They don't make noise, and they're smarter than most dogs I know (and many people as well).

Actually... (5.00 / 1) (#27)
by jin wicked on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 09:11:26 PM PST
I knew a girl that had white rats and she was telling me about them. I was suprised at how intelligent she said they could be, and hers would sit on her shoulder and were fairly well behaved. I don't think I'd mind having a rat like that, but right now where I'm living, the only thing I'm allowed to have is a fish or a pet rock. :P

"Ars longa, vita brevis...Art is long, life is short."

Rats (5.00 / 1) (#31)
by manifold on Wed Sep 19th, 2001 at 01:53:23 AM PST
Rats are my favourite pets, they're wonderful animals and definitely come to recognise you as a person rather than as an obstacle like other rodents. We had a pair of white male rats which were the tamest pets we've ever had, including cats, dogs, chinchillas, rabbits, the lot - they never once bit. And as they have a fear of heights, not only can you sit them on your shoulder and carry them round, you can stick them on the sofa or bed and they won't jump off if they can't find a way down.

However they do have a knack for stealing beer and other tasty treats, and they're cunning enough to get them. When they get drunk they bob their heads in time with any music that's playing as well :)

Damn I miss my rats :(

What happened to your rats? (5.00 / 1) (#32)
by iat on Wed Sep 19th, 2001 at 04:06:54 AM PST
Did they die of alcohol poisoning or liver failure? I'm sure the RSPCA would have something to say if they knew you were getting animals drunk. - love it or leave it.

Old age :( (5.00 / 1) (#34)
by manifold on Wed Sep 19th, 2001 at 06:50:12 AM PST
They only live 2-3 years, which is a real pity. When we got them they were already almost a year old...

getting high (none / 0) (#39)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Oct 1st, 2001 at 10:06:43 AM PST
have you tried hotboxing your rats? a friend of mine had a ferret that he'd do that to. All I can say is hours of fun.

Prison women dogs (5.00 / 1) (#28)
by fluffy grue on Tue Sep 18th, 2001 at 09:13:17 PM PST
I saw a documentary on the women-in-prison-with-dogs thing. Most prisoners have a job they perform to avoid going stir-crazy and as a supplemental income (such as stamping licenseplates, cleaning up litter, and so on). What many prisons are doing is using women inmates for training assisted-living dogs, such as seeing-eye dogs and such. Also, inmates with specific needs can be used to train dogs for those; for example, one woman in the documentary had epilepsy, and so they had the dog around her all the time and trained it to have a panic reaction whenever the woman had a seizure (I guess to draw attention to the problem and such).

It's pretty cool stuff, and these dog-training programs are great since it gives the inmates something to do and a reason to live while also making the world a better place.

I've always been a student of women-in-prison film (5.00 / 1) (#29)
by elenchos on Wed Sep 19th, 2001 at 12:49:45 AM PST
Documentaries like Chained Heat or Freeway completely opened up my mind to all the dimensions of prison life for women. They need companionship more than anything, from what I've observed. Often they become so desperate for companionship that they are forced to turn to each other -- and against God's law. I've seen literally hundreds of films where this exact thing happens. It's some kind of epidemic, I tell you.

Answer? Get a dog.

I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill

Well... (5.00 / 1) (#30)
by jin wicked on Wed Sep 19th, 2001 at 12:55:04 AM PST
Evidently you haven't seen any of those films with the dogs and the bacon or the peanut butter, either.

"Ars longa, vita brevis...Art is long, life is short."

I saw that, it was on Lifetime (none / 0) (#33)
by Adam Rightmann on Wed Sep 19th, 2001 at 05:21:12 AM PST
the subversive channel destroying the American family. It had all the standard Lifetime themes, too; virtous women held down by the patriarchy, the men ranged from ignorant to actively hostile, the only good males were the castrated dogs. Soon I will expose the whole mess on Lifetime.

A. Rightmann

Actually... (none / 0) (#38)
by fluffy grue on Sun Sep 23rd, 2001 at 09:26:57 PM PST
it was on TLC.


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