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 Secret World Conspiricy Revealed!!!

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Apr 18, 2002
For long ive been suspecting it but at long last I can reveal who I suspect to be the highest ranking friends of Bin Laden. No less than President Bush and Prime Minister Blair.

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In their youth Bush, Blair and Bin were great friends. They formed a gang calling themselves the "flowerpot men".

Bush, Blair and Bin, the FlowerPot men ruled the entire block. Local kids trembled before them as they pushed them about and stole their candy. But of course as they grew up so did their yearning for power.

They eventually agreed to go their own separate ways to fulfil this desire...Blair decided to try and take Britain, Bush decided he would give America a shot and for some strange reason which none of them understood, Bin decided to go for Afghanistan.

Now over the years, each of them slowly worked their way up the ladder of power and at last, after the help of a rigged election, both Bush and Blair became dictators of the US and Britain respectively.

Bin didn't fare so well however. He had thought Afghanistan would be piss easy to conquer. Indeed, his plan had been to conquer afghanistan quickly and then invade the US and Britain before Bush and Blair came into power. That would teach them for picking on him when he was a kid cuz of his beard.

But then the bloody soviets tried to invade Afghanistan and screwed it all up. By the time Bin was giving it a second chance, Bush and Blair were already screwing up the countries they owned and laughing in the faces of the people who elected them. Bin was jealous.

So he set up a movement called "Al-Qaeda" which was given a primary mission to piss off Bush and Blair. At first Al-Qaeda merely wrote insulting letters to both Bush and Blair but they simply ignored them. This infuriated Bin beyond belief so he told Al-Qaeda to go to plan two. Plan Two was to smack 3 jumbo jets into the World Trade buildings and Pentagon and kill thousands. Sure this was a bit of a step up from the hate mail but Bin was *really* pissed off.

After the event Bush and Blair were fuming that Bin hadn't even given them so much as a warning. "Some friend he's turning out to be", remarked Blair. Both conferred and agreed that Bin had to be taught a lesson. A whole army of British and American troops charged across the atlantic baying for revenge. Bin sensibly ran.

Bush and Blair had now conquered Afghanistan and felt rather proud of it. They decided to call it "The war against Terror". Bush gave his henchmen known as the CNN the details and they were happy to strap the title to everything they touched.

Western troops hunted Bin for weeks without luck. But suddenly out of the blue, rumour had it that Bin was hiding in a cave called Tora Bora. It was at this moment that Bush and Blair suddenly felt pity for their friend Bin, they didn't want to let him die at the hands of their bloodthirsty troops. So they told their armies not to move in on Tora Bora. "He'll get the message and run" said Bush confidently. Did he hell! whooosh out the cave, across the desert and up the mountain..he was gone.

Now Bush and Blair were faced with a dilema. They couldn't call off the hunt for Bin because their people wanted him captured, but neither could they allow him to be found or they knew he would be killed for certain. So they needed a distraction - a BIG distraction. So later that afternoon, Bush gave his old time highschool buddy Saddam a call.

"Listen Saddam, Ive got a bit of a problem - I need to start another war with you ok?"

"Ok", said Saddam, "Just make sure you stick to the rules yeah?"
"Agreed", replied Bush, "Same deal as before? We supply the weapons and you supply the cannonfodder?"
"Sure thing George!"

Bush sat back for a while in his chair wondering if he really needed another distraction. "Oh fuck it", he finally said and picked up the phone to Sharon.

Bin meanwhile spent his time shooting porn...some of the less explicit outtakes were released to the world media. Using special techniques he learnt from the CIA, he sent encoded messages to Blair and Bush via the videos, telling them he was deeply sorry and could they please stop the nasty people from shooting at him?

Bin thought he was becoming much better on camera fact when this is all over he considered trying for a part in a movie.

Meanwhile troops searching for Bin were given trivial roles such as "Peacekeeping", looking in caves and shooting mountains.

But still, some damn fool Canadians were getting too close. George soon sorted that out with one of his bombers. Damn Canadians, he thought.

And so the story goes on....

What will be the ending? Will their BE and ending?

Plus - Will Bin Laden shoot film?

Find out in the NEXT EDITION!


Do we have to? (none / 0) (#1)
by derek3000 on Fri Apr 19th, 2002 at 07:38:34 AM PST
Find out in the NEXT EDITION!

Your writing is to literature what MC Hammer pants were to fashion.

"Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

MC Hammer pants (none / 0) (#5)
by GhostDog on Sat Apr 20th, 2002 at 02:52:26 AM PST
I'm wearing a pair right now.

Ghost Dog, eh? (none / 0) (#7)
by nathan on Sat Apr 20th, 2002 at 09:54:04 AM PST
Did you read about them in Ha Gakure?

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

The one by Ya Mamoto Tsu Netomo? [n/t] (none / 0) (#9)
by because it isnt on Mon Apr 22nd, 2002 at 04:59:34 AM PST -- because it isn't

not quite (none / 0) (#10)
by nathan on Mon Apr 22nd, 2002 at 08:03:31 PM PST
Ha Gakure was written by a group of old samurai at the beginning of the Tokugawa period. It is an expression of their common opinions on the degradation of the samurai ways in the new age.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Yeah, I know that bit. (none / 0) (#11)
by because it isnt on Tue Apr 23rd, 2002 at 02:19:47 AM PST
I was more interested in your groovy new way of rendering Ro Maji. Would you say it was nearer the Hepburn system or the Mo Nbusho system? -- because it isn't

I couldn't tell you (none / 0) (#12)
by nathan on Tue Apr 23rd, 2002 at 12:21:00 PM PST
That's just how I remember it being spelled in the translation I read of Musashi. I don't know a thing about Japanese, I'm sorry to say, and your joke was thus wasted on me. Sorry about that.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Oh come on. (none / 0) (#8)
by tkatchev on Sat Apr 20th, 2002 at 10:54:53 AM PST
Primitivism is in fashion currently, no? Or am I mistaken?

Peace and much love...

i love it (none / 0) (#2)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Apr 19th, 2002 at 08:41:55 AM PST
this is brilliant i love it
i want to make love to the writer it is so good and i believe that this writing alone will end world famine

That's the most sensible (none / 0) (#3)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Apr 19th, 2002 at 10:04:38 AM PST
Explanation for the whole sorry mess that I have heard but you left out the black helicopters and the lizards.

Ummm... (none / 0) (#4)
by The Mad Scientist on Fri Apr 19th, 2002 at 05:18:39 PM PST
Explanation for the whole sorry mess that I have heard but you left out the black helicopters and the lizards.

Everything has its time. Wait. :)

Sorry, can't help myself. (none / 0) (#6)
by hauntedattics on Sat Apr 20th, 2002 at 07:36:11 AM PST
Secret world conspiracy misspell the word "conspiracy."



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