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The answer to teenage sex
Holy Matrimony in a Catholic Church 25%
Condoms, condoms, condoms! 0%
Teenage oral sex 64%
Chastity belts 10%

Votes: 28

 Shotgun Weddings

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jul 29, 2002
Many people have named the decreasing importance of the institution of marriage as the cause of society's ills. I may be inclined to agree.

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In previous generations, if a boy impregnated a girl, they got married. Period. If they ended up not really liking each other, tough. They raised their child to the best of their abilities (and had several more). The marriage would probably degrade into a bickering spiteful relationship, but the kids would get jobs, and the fabric of society would stay intact. This was simply the duty of the parents.

This system worked for many of my relatives. Fast forward through the 60's and 70's. There was some "sexual revolution." I don't quite understand it. Many of my relatives in my parents' generation got pregnant, got married, and divorced approximately a decade later.

Now the children of my generation have reached fertility. These are the children of the broken homes of the 80's. Now my family looks like somewhat boring episode of Jerry Springer. We wait to see if the young woman's child is white, son of my cousin, and a member of our family, or if the father is actually the black boyfriend.

The boomer grandparents give sage advice like "you don't want to marry him, he's a loser" or "there's no point in raising a child in a home where parents fight."

You can't possibly tell me that the current state of society is better than the days when young parents were forced to marry and stay together.


Shotgun weddings. (none / 0) (#1)
by because it isnt on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 01:06:13 AM PST
I didn't know that shotguns got married. -- because it isn't

They don't (none / 0) (#5)
by dmg on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 10:54:42 AM PST
A shotgun marriage refers to the old American practice of forcing a couple to marry at gunpoint if the girl was pregnant. HTH, HAND

time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
-- MC Hawking

For shame. (5.00 / 1) (#7)
by because it isnt on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 01:03:50 PM PST
I was hoping it was something cute that the gun-nuts did to take the spirit of the 2nd amendment in vain.

They could dress their lethal weapons in bride and groom outfits and have a little ceremony! That would be so cute! -- because it isn't

Some other weapon? (none / 0) (#9)
by First Incision on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 09:19:05 PM PST
I realize that your Europeans cannot bear arms, but surely you have some equivalent. Do you have broadsword weddings, jousting lance weddings, or maybe longbow weddings?
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

Incorrect. (none / 0) (#11)
by walwyn on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 01:08:37 AM PST
For some Europeans not owning a gun is illegal.

Guns are legal and really common in Europe. (none / 0) (#21)
by gordonjcp on Mon Aug 5th, 2002 at 04:58:49 PM PST
The UK has less restrictive gun laws than the US. It's pretty difficult to get handguns, but you're allowed fully automatic weapons, and basically you can legally own anything that can be legally sold outside the UK. They draw the line at anti-tank weapons, but you can have live machine guns on your rebuilt WW2 warplane.

Nearly everyone has a couple of shotguns, because the licences are so cheap and easy to get.

You're missing the point (none / 0) (#2)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 01:42:33 AM PST
Rather than grumble about how things are not like they were in the past, why not try to enjoy the present? Given the lax sexual mores prevalent today, teenage girls are much more likely to be willing to go out with (read fuck) older men like yourself.

In fact, of the parents of such girls (I recommend high school seniors, you'd be surprised how level-headed and mature many of them are) are usually relieved to see their daughters in the company of clean-cut, steadily employed young men rather than the acne-faced dips from their school. Just remember to be responsible and considerate re: birth control, and a whole world of nublie, energetic, open-minded (high school chicks will try anything, btw) sexual playthings will be yours to explore.

I hate high school chicks (none / 0) (#3)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 09:11:52 AM PST
I hate girls my age their too stupid to know if some asshole jock is just going to fuck them and leave or some druggie fucks going to end up crashing his car in her parents house before prom. Hell some of the guys my age are nut fucks too who talk about some super model or britney spears who would never habve sex with them if their careers where on the line. God I don't blame parents some times kids are stupid.

re: I hate high school chicks (none / 0) (#4)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 09:33:38 AM PST
It actually hurt my brain to read your comment.

good it should! n/t (none / 0) (#13)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 06:15:41 AM PST

Wrong, geekboy (5.00 / 1) (#6)
by KingAzzy on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 11:53:04 AM PST
Sure there are those chicks too stupid for words who primarily date jocks.

Then there are those who are quite pretty, mature, and sexy who date guys like me who are ten years older and make six figure incomes.

So, you see, sadly your only option is masturbation and LAN parties.


But... aren't you 25 years old? [n/t] (none / 0) (#8)
by because it isnt on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 04:28:58 PM PST -- because it isn't

No, I'm 31. (none / 0) (#17)
by KingAzzy on Thu Aug 1st, 2002 at 11:38:33 AM PST
I've finally reached the age where 18 year old chicks think I'm cute! LOL

Pussy (none / 0) (#10)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 10:43:33 PM PST
You're just mad because high school girls wont fuck you. Know why? YOU DON'T DO DRUGS OR SPORTS. I can understand that a whiny little cunt like you wouldn't be able to hack it in softball or water polo, but you can at least find some cocaine and boost your sorry little ego so you can finally land one of the good hookers.

first off (none / 0) (#14)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 06:22:44 AM PST
Drugs fuck you up and well I am already fucked up enough. Second the whole idea of bouncing around the ball or throwing the ball to achieve a win seems kind of stupid, I don't like normal after school school sports... now if there was say after school UFC I might just join, since I like vale tudo type martial art matchs. Really does anyone under stand my reply? I never screamed "I am a computer geek who never gets laid, hear me roar." I simply said I thought kids my age were stupid. Geeze to people just skim over shit and then reply? First listen then talk, when the other is talking its not the time you need to be composing a reply.

I GET IT! (none / 0) (#15)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 07:39:29 AM PST
I'm sorry I was so insensitive earlier. I did fly off the handle a bit, and that's never acceptable Let me address your concerns.

It's easy to get mad at all of the high school girls for getting all of the hunky jocks and drug-users when you're gay. But just because you see them as a threat to your opportunity to . . . fornicate with men does not mean you should hold such hostilities towards them. They're people too, and they probably crave cock as much - well, nearly as much as you do. But remember: gay guys like guys who will snort coke off their dicks. Go get 'em, tiger!

Sir, (none / 0) (#18)
by Martino Cortez PhD on Fri Aug 2nd, 2002 at 11:50:12 PM PST
The answer is obvious. You are not what society deems as "cool". You are an outcast. A looser in our high society where one honors football jocks, and hockey players. It is in your best interest to swallow this now - you will never have sex. I am sorry to be honest, but sometimes that is what needs to happen.

Enjoy your life of solitude and masterbation.

Dr Martino Cortez, PhD
CEO - Martin-Cortez Financial Corporation
Copyright 2002, Martino Cortez.

Is "cool" really so important? (none / 0) (#19)
by The Mad Scientist on Sat Aug 3rd, 2002 at 05:19:45 PM PST
Leave the all-night parties to the jocks. Leave the slu^H^H^Hpopular girls to the hockey players. Let them crash their cars when driving drunk, let them having to marry (see the Shotgun Marriages thread). Spend the nights alone, and learn.

No, you will not earn a sports scholarship. You won't need it - you will have the results-based one. Guess which one is more worthy.

In few years, their "cool-factor"-based relationships will break up. They will have shitty jobs and two mortgages. Their kids will mow your lawn, in front of your house you paid off at the moment of purchase. Hell - with current recession, maybe they will mow your lawn themselves.

"Cool" is for the weak ones.

You are a "nerd" sir, (none / 0) (#20)
by Martino Cortez PhD on Sat Aug 3rd, 2002 at 08:00:54 PM PST
Cool is everything in todays tight market. Currently, there is a high demand for those athletic enough to play in our nations finest sports leauge. Meanwhile Wall Street - made of high school jocks - is finally wising up to the fact that the "dot-com" era was run by people who were nerds in high school. Now look - the tech sector, dominated by ugly, glasses wearing geeks is getting laid off by the truck load. The evidence that good looks and jock like abilities gets you further is everywhere.

Look no further then our current president - a former jock. Major CEO's are jocks. Former cheer leaders have all made their way to the top - just look at esteemed typists found in my and many others corporate board rooms for a wonderful example. Sir, if you were a nerd in high school, you will be a nerd forever. Society hates nerds. You will be destined to become management in McDonalds, or perhaps work the day shift at wal mart. You can lie about your six figure income, but we can see through it. People with "four eyes" and a star trek shirt are to unpopular for the real world.

Nerds are not, and never will be popular. Learn this now, so you can give up trying.

Dr Martino Cortez, PhD
CEO - Martin-Cortez Financial Corporation
Copyright 2002, Martino Cortez.

By the way.. (none / 0) (#12)
by m on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 06:14:57 AM PST
If you're looking for a free hand job, and it sounds like you are, you can try what some guy in Australia recently got off (hahaha) in court for doing: He went around to female cock doctors (I'm sure that's the technical term) and told them that he had been hit in the groin. Then they'd "examine" him and he'd get off on it.

Anyway, HTH HAND, i've got an appointment to go to.

Last week "Liberalist Girlfriend", ..... (none / 0) (#16)
by gorlab on Thu Aug 1st, 2002 at 09:07:36 AM PST
... this week "Shotgun Wedding".
First Incision we tried to warn you, offered to help by keeping an eye on your bedroom webcam, and pleaded with you to keep your Immortal Soul safe from the Fires of Hell.
Arrogance is the Devils work.
What I don't want to read next week is
"When is Abortion OK?"
You have Sinned and now must submit to Gods Punishment and marry this Liberalist immediately.
Your life is for all intents and purposes ruined , it remaining only for you to drink this bitter cup down to the dregs and see the UnChristian behavior of your offspring haunting your empty cold twilight years.
I am sorry you sinned.
I should have done more.


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