Adequacy front page
Stories Diaries Polls Users

Home About Topics Rejects Abortions
This is an archive site only. It is no longer maintained. You can not post comments. You can not make an account. Your email will not be read. Please read this page if you have questions.
 Happy Birthday Christ!

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Dec 24, 2001
It is December 25, 2001, the two thousand and first birthday of our Lord, Jesus Christ of Bethlehem.

More stories about Religion
Is Catholicism to be tolerated?
Wicca - a scientific, Christian approach to the problem
Winning The Battle Against Pornography
Christianity isn't working in the USA; Is Islam the answer ?
The Scriptural Proof of Extraterrestrial Life
The Revival of the Ancient Ways
The Problem is You - Not Religion
We are all children of Adam and Eve
A Taliban Warlord answers YOUR questions.
Islam: What is it?
Kill Yr Idols: God
Have a Right Halloween!
Religion: The Appendix of Modern Society
The Evil of Harry Potter
Islam is not the enemy
Bloody Sunday, Bloody Right!
What shall we give up for Lent?
Reclaiming St. Patrick's Day
The Proselytizing Atheist
Let us pray for the priests and victims of sexual abuse
The Incontrovertible Existence of God
Tolkien, Star Wars and Jesus Christ
World Youth Day: An Alarming Report

More stories by

Linux Zealot needs a job
Linux Zealot Gets Laid
The editors of would like to wish you and your kin the most wholesome and cherished Christmas! In ten minutes I will be leaving for Midnight Mass - it is great fun going to church at midnight, and then again at 8:00am the next day. The greatest benefit is of course pointing out all the 'C&E'ers (for the non-religious heathen who read adequacy, that's Christmas and Easter - the so called religious Christians who somehow feel that by attending church a measly two times a year, they will be saved from Hell and Damnation) to your pew-mates. Several of them tried to sit next to me one year; they could not even genuflect properly! They crossed themselves inproperly, and the youngest daughter did not even know the Lord's Prayer! What gall, some people have. And they think they'll be saved. Our Lord Jesus has some news for you people: you are not forgiven!

Which brings me to another point. I am tired of the commercialization of this holy holiday. I have banned the exchange of gifts this year. Instead, we exchanged gifts during the Jewish celebration of Hannukah. Instead of a tree and lights, we are having an extra long session of Bible reading, and a new Nativity scene. The children love it! It makes mother so proud to see her sons and daughters taking to God's Word!

I'm sorry for all of you out there who are used to the upper level of intelligence our stories always display, but alas, I am so excited! I hope all you and your families enjoy the spirit, and join us in worshipping the Holy Spirit. And for you athiests, 2-time-Christians, negros, and baptists, stay out of our churches! You are not welcome!


Praise Jesus (none / 0) (#1)
by fractured clavicle on Mon Dec 24th, 2001 at 10:59:19 PM PST
May he bless and keep all of the worthy flock. Merry christmas to every Saved reader of Adequacy!

`Yes! Merry Christmas to an imaginary character! (none / 0) (#10)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 02:51:40 AM PST
Let's all go back to the dark ages and believe in "Jesus"
In fact happy birthday Santa, Easter Bunny and Pinnochio while we're at it, they're just as real as "Jesus" is.

Wow. (none / 0) (#11)
by tkatchev on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 03:14:16 AM PST
You're pretty smart kid for your age. Here, have a nickel.
Now run along, and remember that good kids don't play with matches!

Peace and much love...

you know, he's right (none / 0) (#12)
by nathan on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 03:33:49 AM PST
I'd always suspected that Flavius Josephus was just lying. Thanks, AR, you showed me the error of my ways!

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

You know, I wish you weren't kidding (none / 0) (#14)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 07:09:24 AM PST
It saddens me to see people turning to "the lord". It will only lead to disappointment.

Ever see those teenage girls screaming over boy bands, then cry when they break up, or realize they're not actually going to marry them? That's what you're all going to find out at some point in your lives. There is no God. Make your life the best you can without living by some fictional character's rules. Trust me, your life will be much richer without religion.

Yes. (none / 0) (#15)
by tkatchev on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 07:45:41 AM PST
Just make sure to grab a hold of as much happiness before the rest of the moron bastards get their grubby little hands on it.

Peace and much love...

pah (none / 0) (#17)
by nathan on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 02:28:20 PM PST
Kierkegaard rightly said that it takes a lifetime to learn how to doubt properly. Your lack of faith is just cheap skepticism. John Lennon is no philosopher, d00d.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Agreed wholeheartedly. (none / 0) (#19)
by tkatchev on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 02:57:37 PM PST
I really irks me that people consider Lennon to be some sort of genius and revolutionary artist.

With all due respect for Mr. Lennon, but he simply wrote very talented _popular_ music. He wasn't an artist, simply a very talented craftsman. The difference between "art" and "craft" is a whole other topic of discussion I don't want to get into, but I think the fact that Lennon was not an artist is intuitively obvious.

Peace and much love...

AMEN (none / 0) (#33)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 12:47:15 PM PST
Enough said

C & E (none / 0) (#2)
by nathan on Mon Dec 24th, 2001 at 11:21:36 PM PST
Of course, one doesn't become saved by going to Church on Christmas and Easter. One becomes saved through infinite resignation leading to faith.

Nathan (still very much contending with himself)
Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Holy fuck, it's Christ's birthday?! Already?! (2.50 / 2) (#3)
by elenchos on Mon Dec 24th, 2001 at 11:51:19 PM PST
Damn, I forgot again. I didn't get him nothin yet.

Shit. I'm going to go like, make a card with glitter and glue and stuff. People always love it when you make some shit like a card of something.

Stall, OK?

I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill

Happy Birthday! (none / 0) (#4)
by legolas on Tue Dec 25th, 2001 at 04:55:07 AM PST
Happy Birthday To You!
Happy Birthday To You!
Happy Birthday Dear JESUS!
Happy Birthday To You!


bite me (none / 0) (#5)
by philipm on Tue Dec 25th, 2001 at 09:57:13 AM PST
The devil invented religion and god just so he could send you all to hell. THERE IS NO GOD. Only the devil. And you worship him.

Here is proof: How could it possibly be that "Jesus or God" is 2000 years old? What, you think he didn't exists before that time? What happened before that time?

Devil Worshipping Moron.


I Really hope this is a joke (none / 0) (#6)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Dec 26th, 2001 at 04:31:03 AM PST
If you can end your message with Negroe & Baptist stay out of your church, than you surely aren't saved. I hate to tell you that your kids are not taking to "God's Words" but that of a worthless bigot. I will enjoy the thought of you burning in eternal damnation..Sleep Well

Better to feel the pains of peace than the agony of war

hey, pal (none / 0) (#7)
by nathan on Wed Dec 26th, 2001 at 05:50:59 AM PST
You don't get to say who goes to Heaven. Only God does that.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

lol (none / 0) (#13)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 03:49:53 AM PST
If God would let an ignorant, Racist into heaven, then hell is the better place

with God (none / 0) (#18)
by nathan on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 02:30:13 PM PST
...anything is possible. What, only people you like are worthwhile?

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Uh-huh... (none / 0) (#20)
by hauntedattics on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 03:05:59 PM PST
Honey, go read The Great Divorce by a very smart man named C.S. Lewis. Then come back here and try to have a somewhat more informed, tolerant viewpoint. That's a good boy.

The sickest site i have ever been to! (none / 0) (#24)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Dec 28th, 2001 at 11:46:11 PM PST
This is the sickest, most twisted site i have ever been to! Every single article contains twisted facts that are so far-fetched that you have to be totally BRAINWASHED to believe it.

This is a quote from one of the twisted members of this site, written in reply to someone who tried to prove that the articles here are totally twisted through the use of links to computer-related sites:

-When one speaks TRUTH, one does not NEED "links" or "proof". Those things are merely the tools of those who DISTORT the world to fit their own corrupt view.-

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE DOING - distorting the truth to fit their own corrupt view!!!

These people threatens you and make up things If you don't agree with their twisted and bizare facts. I.e. some have been accused of being communists, pedophiles or "hackers that have illegaly entered Adequacy's secure areas" that will face prosecution just because they pointed out that almost every single article on this site contains nothing but sick and twisted "facts". I.e. this site is calling Linux an underground hacker-OS made by communists! Where the hell did they get that from???

One of the members on this site is referring to independent thinkers as "crackpots" on his website - (I wonder what that big red cross means?)

This is my humble opinion on human-kind:
Every human on earth is extremely intelligent as an individual, but as a group they are dumb as dirt!


PS. This site also contains some of the most racist stuff i have ever seen. They are almost worse then the KKK (if not members!).

Merry Christmas Jelerial (none / 0) (#8)
by Adam Rightmann on Wed Dec 26th, 2001 at 02:50:06 PM PST
and while I can certainly understand your frustration with pagans and heretical Christians who are speeding down the highway to eternal damnation, we must remember that sometimes honey catches more flies than vinegar. If you must vent, save it for the confessional.

I hope your Advent was as good as mine, until the Feast of the Three Kings!

A. Rightmann

NOT two-thousand and 1st birthday, chump (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by Paranoid Flyndroid on Wed Dec 26th, 2001 at 08:39:08 PM PST
There was no year 0, hence all years are actually y-1 number of years since the start of the common era. It's jerko whoseits like you who really get my ultra-perfectionist goat. Grr!

Just as this year is the true beginning of the second millenium of the common era (that is, the two-thousandth year since the common era began) so too would this Christmas be the two-thousandth birthday of Christ -- ignoring for the moment that most historians who even believe Christ existed in the first place all generally think that his birthday was more likely sometime later in the year, and that Christmas was originally adopted as a holiday to help convert all the heathenistic Pagans away from their ungodly, heretical religion (because Christianity is better for your soul, and improves dental strength too, kids).

You Christians give me the redass with your ignorant ways. Fire up the BBQ; it's human-sacrifice time!


not even two thousand (none / 0) (#30)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Dec 31st, 2001 at 05:16:05 PM PST
The actual birthdate of christ is six years off from when it was first calculated so really he is 2006 years old and the year is soon to be 2007

God bless (none / 0) (#21)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 04:24:54 PM PST
Gods blessings to all saved Adequacy readers on this joyous holiday and to the rest of you Muslims, may your god rot with Baal. Merry CHRISTmas!

The date is wrong (none / 0) (#22)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Dec 28th, 2001 at 02:17:55 PM PST
Jesus was born on the 24th not the 25th you ignorants ;)

All Danes know that.

A dane

Date wrong (none / 0) (#23)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Dec 28th, 2001 at 09:43:33 PM PST
Um, Jesus was born in september 24th in around the year 7 AD and xmas is really suppost to be the celebration of winter solistace and the pagan new year (date wise).

Heheh. Poisonous Religion. (none / 0) (#25)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Dec 29th, 2001 at 12:45:24 AM PST
First of all, your last comment, I must admit, was very rude, racist, and downright stupid. Why would an atheist want to attend your church?

Anyway, now you're thinking, "Oh, he's an Atheist, let's ignore him." I'm sure you are, from the open-mindedness of your post. For those of you who wish to listen to me, I will continue on with my points.

Okay, now. Who is "we" and "our"? I see it come up enough. Are you suggesting that you can speak for your entire religion, that you're so holy and god-empowered by reading something out of a book and believing it?

There is a very slim difference between down-right brainwashing, and religion. When you can stand away from another viewpoint, and go, "Wow, so that's what it looks like", you think very differently. Children do not have much control over what they think, suprisingly enough. Take a look at Santa Claus. You can convince little children to believe that some fat guy in a red suit delivers toys to children all around the world with *flying* reindeer. Ahem. If this were a new concept, and you told someone about it, you'd probably be arrested and taken to a shrink. So, what's the difference? Might the Christians who are reading this post think back to when they were kids. Now, really, did you have an experience with God that made you believe, or did you parents bring you to church, tell you that God existed, and made sure you thought no otherwise? ..Of course, it's not my job for you to see that you yourself didn't decide your religion, or if you came up with it yourself. I was never forced into any religion, and for some reason, both me and my sister turned out Atheists.

Now, before you start throwing your Bibles at me, I would like to make it known that people write books. The Bible gives no proof of a God. The Bible simply gives proof that things unexplainable for the time happened to believers of God. Eh, if you had no idea what an earthquake was, what would you call it? I certainly wouldn't have thought it a giant crustal plate fromm the earth scraping against another.

One last thing. Your 'hell' is the lifeline of your religion. Perhaps this is why it has prospered. So frankly you put it, 'C&E'ers. So, that's the reason you go to church, right? You just said, and by saying we, you mean that all Christians go to church simply for the fact that they won't be doomed to a hell? The idea of the hell is what sparked a massive Christian revival in colonial days. Without your hell, I'd say Christianity would be about as popular as, oh, the Spice Girls, and for those who don't understand that, I'd say, very few.

Remember, worship me, or face damnation.
Sounds like a real plan to get followers...and apparently, it worked.


Finally, a site with which I can truly identify! (none / 0) (#26)
by Bindster on Sun Dec 30th, 2001 at 08:27:22 AM PST
There's this televangelist my friend introduced me to, Pastor Arnold Murray, with the understanding that there is absolutely no possible way, considering the topics and viewpoints "discussed" on the pastor's show, that this show is not the greatest hour of comedy on television. This website is similar to that man's show. Frankly, the views held by the editors of this website are so hardline right-wing that they would make G.W. and Ashcroft blush, and if the views are being presented with all seriousness, then that just adds to the humor value of these articles. Extremism is useless.
"Ideas are more powerful than guns. We would not let our enemies have guns; why should we let them have ideas?" --Stalin

two questions? (none / 0) (#27)
by nathan on Mon Dec 31st, 2001 at 04:27:08 AM PST
Since when should I be offended to be called a rightist?

What makes you think that "right-wing" is a valid description of that prostitute Bush, or that fawning hypocrite Ashcroft?

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

I too am dismayed at Bush and Ashcroft (none / 0) (#28)
by Adam Rightmann on Mon Dec 31st, 2001 at 08:04:54 AM PST
People assume that I must support Bush and Ashcroft, but they really dismay me. Obviously, a man that mocks a deluded Christian on death row is certainly no friend of life, Bush's stand on abortion is obviously just a politic position. As far as Ashcroft, his hypocrisy with respect to drugs is shameful. How will his nephew learn of the dangers of marijuana is Ashcroft is always pulling strins for him? I would hope America's elected leaders would consider the metaphor of Ceaser's wife.

A. Rightmann

Missing the point... (none / 0) (#29)
by Bindster on Mon Dec 31st, 2001 at 10:23:20 AM PST
It doesn't matter if you're offended that I dislike consesrvatism, the point was that this site is obviously a joke, as the stances taken by the editors are so ridiculously extreme that I'm sure they are laughing to death reading the responses of people who agree with and defend them. Some give-aways: marijuana is the worst drug, Microsoft is the innovation factory, or the premier name when it comes to security, the comment in this article about "negroes", or just read today's celebration of 2000 years of British achievement (Newton invented gravity, "Sir Albert Einstein").
"Subject to decay are all component things; strive earnestly to work out your own salvation."--The Buddha

How I love this site it gives me such a laugh (none / 0) (#31)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 03:06:01 PM PST
This is a great website. I love the mission statment... I just can't stop laughing. I have to show this to my friends im sure they will love it. Oh btw satan is the lord and savior. God is a myth thats been disproven through science. HoXorZ RuLE, and praise allah. Also a good movie to whatch is Dogma... what else... Homo sexuality is not a sin since god created animals yet they preform homosexuality, and yes they do i have a couple of dogs that go at it. The white male that is oppressed is a favorite, damn gore should of won just to shut this place down. As a democrat and active libral male that marches for womens rights, black righrs, and gay rights (im hetero) I feel that as an furriner that this site should be shut down and the idea of this being a religous sight should be shut down. Oh and another thing all you dumb ass writers need to stop making so many jokes cause they are killing me.

Er...a bit late (none / 0) (#32)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jan 4th, 2002 at 07:05:29 PM PST
If it's his 2001st birthday his dead so he's not reading your greeting is he. Silly.


All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. Comments are owned by the Poster. The Rest ® 2001, 2002, 2003 The name, logo, symbol, and taglines "News for Grown-Ups", "Most Controversial Site on the Internet", "Linux Zealot", and "He just loves Open Source Software", and the RGB color value: D7D7D7 are trademarks of No part of this site may be republished or reproduced in whatever form without prior written permission by and, if and when applicable, prior written permission by the contributing author(s), artist(s), or user(s). Any inquiries are directed to