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 The Time is Right for Manual Sex

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jan 24, 2002
For too many people, "sex" is synonymous with "intercourse". Though intercourse is a popular and perhaps archetypal form of sex, it is inappropriate and potentially harmful to overlook the numerous sexual alternatives to intercourse and to its risks of STDs and pregnancy.

Good sex is about more than intercourse; it's about passion and pleasure. And though "orgasm" is no more synonymous with "good sex" than is "intercourse" with "sex", it is worth noting that a significant percentage of people can only achieve orgasm through non-intercourse sex. This is why it is important to learn about these alternative methods and about manual sex in particular.


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Manual sex can take numerous forms, ranging from solo masturbation to mutual masturbation and fisting. Each of these carries its own benefits and associated risks, so it is worth exploring them one at a time.

Solo Masturbation

If you possess a functional set of genitalia, as most people do, then you probably already know about and have experienced solo masturbation. It's about as ordinary as picking your nose; the body part is there, and you're prone to fiddle with it. Masturbation provides a good opportunity for self discovery, and the knowledge of one's own sexual anatomy and pleasures gleaned from masturbation can be directly applied towards successful sex with one's partner.

Mutual Masturbation

Mutual masturbation is slightly more complicated than solo masturbation, because of two considerations: the simultaneous coordination of two individuals manipulating each other's bodies and the novelty of manipulating what is (for heterosexual couples) comparatively unfamiliar body parts. Inexperienced men, for example, might not immediately comprehend how to stimulate female genitalia, because such an act is qualitatively different from stimulating one's own penis; instead of wrapping one's hands around a shaft, the appropriate course of action typically involving insertion of one's fingers into the vaginal orifice.

In order to get an advanced sense of how the act properly proceeds, you can perform a small experiment for yourself: insert your index finger into one of the nostrils of your nose. Move it around gently and explore. The warmth and moisture of your nose approximate the ambient conditions of a typical vagina, and the distribution of nerve endings is sufficiently similar that you can practice appropriate manual technique with an awareness of any adverse sensations your partner might experience because of improper technique. Slowly move your finger in and out of your nose in a slow but deliberate rhythmic fashion; proper rhythm is the secret to good manual sex.


Fisting is an extreme but rewarding form of manual sex -- whereas simple masturbation might involve the external stimulation of genitalia or the minor insertion of individual fingers, fisting consists of the insertion of an entire hand into the vagina or anus. Because this is a non-trivial physical act, special precautions should be taken to ensure safety and success.

Proper and copious lubricant is a must, because improper or insufficient lubricant might result in the tearing or rupturing of sensitive genital tissues and organs. Without appropriate preparation, an unpleasant experience is all but guaranteed.

To illustrate and clarify some of the issues involved, try an experiment: take your index and middle fingers, hold them pressed against each other, and insert them both into one of the nostrils of your nose. Because they are unlubricated and therefore dry, you should experience considerable difficulty and much discomfort; this is the result of using no lubrication at all. Next, remove the fingers, insert them into your mouth in order to wet them with saliva, and then reinsert them into your nose. Because they are somewhat lubricated but because saliva is an inadequate lubricant, your nose should again experience discomfort but not as much as before. Finally, dip your fingers into an appropriate lubricant such as Vaseline or vegetable shortening and reinsert them into your nose; the result should be a pleasant and painless insertion, allowing you finally to turn your attention to the separate but related issue of distending a small orifice with such a large object. Again, you'll find that your nose and your partner's genitals will thank you for proceeding slowly and cautiously, making no sudden movements and maintaining constant communication and trust.


Manual sex can be an exciting and satisfying addition to any couple's sexual repertoire. Though your partner might at first feel reluctant, explain the benefits and mechanics, including the above nasal exercises. With proper technique and a strong emotional grounding, your sexual experiences should rise to new heights and attain new dimensions.


The Time (5.00 / 1) (#6)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jan 25th, 2002 at 09:32:27 AM PST
You mean the time was wrong before?


yes (5.00 / 1) (#8)
by johnny ambiguous on Fri Jan 25th, 2002 at 06:26:07 PM PST
Yes. The time was wrong before. Before there was hope, and where there's hope there's at least the possibility of love, and with love there's so infinitely more to do together with one another's beloved under the blue sky, than merely jerk each other off.

But now hope has fled forever, and there remains only that mechanical parody of gratification, tapering off through gray decades unto death.

Yours WDK -

Getting into my Chevrolet Magic Fire, I drove slowly back to the office. - L. Rosen

I may sound old-fashioned, (none / 0) (#15)
by tkatchev on Mon Jan 28th, 2002 at 10:55:30 AM PST
...but it seems to like any mechanical pleasure is hopeless. Regardless of the particular genital combination used in the process.

Peace and much love...

Hmmm... (none / 0) (#17)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jan 29th, 2002 at 02:55:32 AM PST
For some reason, your comment reminds me of an old National Lampoon article about Soviet sex toys. I could see how hours of riding a diesel-powered dildo would leave one inured to "mechanical pleasure."

Just an observation, mind you, about nobody in particular.

Manual sex is obsolete. (none / 0) (#7)
by flarners on Fri Jan 25th, 2002 at 10:20:05 AM PST
I far prefer automatic sex these days.
I told everyone we should have a witch-hunt, but they wanted to have a good old-fashioned book burning instead

I doad doh how usevul thiz ardicle was (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jan 25th, 2002 at 10:33:30 PM PST
I tried aw de tegneegs you bedshun, bud I dod feew eddy seggzier. Alzo, I thig I bay hab ijjured bysewf...

Exit, stage left... (5.00 / 1) (#10)
by First Incision on Sat Jan 26th, 2002 at 11:42:44 AM PST
Ladies and Gentlemen, a Vagina Monologue!
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

Raw Adequacy (none / 0) (#11)
by Mint Waltman on Sat Jan 26th, 2002 at 06:15:39 PM PST
Are times so tough for the web's most controversial website that its been reduced to posting guidbooks to damnation, detailing various extremes of sexual depravity as above? Surely there is a difference between topics of true controversy (the truth about homosexual indoctrination rituals, the dirt on hacker culture) and topics meant simply to titilate. Your body was not designed for self gratification, and such activities could very easily cause permanent damage. A doctor friend of mine confirmed that nearly 25% of all patients he treats in the emergency room are there because they've injured themselves during the shameful act of onanism.

I wouldn't give a young child instructions on how to build a pipe bomb, though it seems Anne Marie would have no problem doing so. I just pray this piece doesn't blow up in her face...

Agreed (none / 0) (#12)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Jan 26th, 2002 at 09:31:07 PM PST
I most definatly agree to your arguments and acusations against Anne marie. It is because of people like her that young girls get the impression that it is "ok" to do things like this with people. Im not saying that sex is a bad thing, but it seems to me that young girls get the imression that it is "ok" to have sex if you really like somebody and what not... and while it is perfectly fine, young girls always 'feel like they really like someobody" (crushes, flings, etc....)

thank you, AR... (none / 0) (#14)
by nathan on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 09:08:56 AM PST
For exposing a serious liberalist hypocrisy.

Don't do it, kids - unless you really want to.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

25% ??? (5.00 / 1) (#13)
by First Incision on Sun Jan 27th, 2002 at 08:34:14 AM PST
It sounds like that's an area of expertise for your doctor friend.

"Another pervert! Page Dr. Marie!"
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

nope (none / 0) (#18)
by Mint Waltman on Tue Jan 29th, 2002 at 09:02:19 AM PST
It sounds like that's an area of expertise for your doctor friend.

He's just an internist who works at an emergency room.

Masturbation isn't sinful. (none / 0) (#16)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jan 28th, 2002 at 10:29:51 PM PST
You people derpive yourself of one of life's necessary pleasures. If you read your Bible you will see that God never said that masturbation is sinful. And the reason why he killed Onan is more likely because he refused to impregnate the woman God told him to impregnate.

fistings of fury (none / 0) (#19)
by nathan on Tue Jan 29th, 2002 at 07:18:21 PM PST
This article is one of the most insightful I've ever seen. It presents mechanical sex techniques in precisely the careful, progressive, and gradual manner needed to master them and to prevent harm arising from their inherent dangers.

On another topic, my nasal openings and my anus are now all loose and flappy. How should I tighten them up again?

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Suggestion (none / 0) (#20)
by hauntedattics on Wed Jan 30th, 2002 at 05:37:39 AM PST
You could always have plastic surgery to have nose and anus re-tightened...maybe you'll bump into the Fish at the clinic.

I urge the Godly to boycott this article (none / 0) (#22)
by Adam Rightmann on Wed Jan 30th, 2002 at 12:34:46 PM PST
While a very modest amount of manual stimulation can be used in foreplay, to warm up your wife, allowing easier and deeper penetration, such that the penis can distribute the man's fertile seed directly to the cervix, choosing manual stimulation as a destination instead of starting point if sinful.

Also, such a stimulation on the woman's clitoris makes it far less sensitive to vaginal feelings, and far less likely to generate a fertility inducing vaginal orgasm. Too mch focus on clitoral feelings is one of the leading causes of lesbianism, and I don't have to warn you about that.

A. Rightmann

dude..... (none / 0) (#23)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Jun 23rd, 2002 at 11:43:08 PM PST
yer gay....and you have no clue what you are talking about.


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