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Are you interested?
Yes, tell me more! 61%
No, you godless, disgusting heathen! 38%

Votes: 36

 Active recruiting

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Nov 19, 2001
Looking for a new movement to join, but don't know where to go? Is being gay not edgy enough in today's homo-tolerant world? Think you have the balls to get your balls cut off? Then join the transsexual movement!

More stories about Sex
Lolita's World: The disturbing tendencies of the modern man.
Solving Teen Pregnancy
Homosexuality - Is it the next evolutionary step for mankind ?
Open Letter to a Stripper
The Sinister Secret of our Schools
Don't look at me.
My husband wants to do my ass!
'English Style Lovers', with jsm
I'm a teenager, and I want it bad!
I have not had relations for months!
My neighbors are foreigners, and they don't fly a flag
Should we circumcize our boy?
My wife hungers for dark meat, and my nephew is a Commie!
Uncle OSM's Guide to Covert Dating: Episode I
My husband wants me shorn!
Uncle OSM's Guide to Covert Dating: Episode II
My inlaws are not fertile!
Taboo: The Downfall of America
The Time is Right for Manual Sex
Help save a baby, and snowballs
The supposedly civilized Europeans. (A WARNING TO ALL AMERICANS)
It's all about the numbers
Caffeinated mints, and getting into the body you desire.
Why can't I get a second date?
The Heterosexual Geek's Guide to Feigning Homosexuality
I want a mistress!
Mommyism in the Workplace
Lesbian Parenting and the Myth of Gay Children
My roommate is gay! My roommate is a drunk.
Yes, that's right, it's not just a medical condition, it is a political movement! For the low, low price of two years of your life and six to ten thousand dollars, you can get the nip and tuck which everyone is talking about!

Afraid about the loss of civil rights? Don't be! Electronic music pioneer Walter Carlos wasn't afraid, and now Wendy is one of the most respected musicians in the world!

Afraid of becoming a pariah? Don't be! Most people in this world are very tolerant, and getting to "freak out" religious types is all part of the fun! And what's more, once you're a member of the transsexual movement, you are able to recruit others for its ever-growing ranks of hedonism and debauchery! Plus, you get to bridge the gender gap and get a whole new set of friends - your social life will double! Go to twice as many parties with twice the gender roles to fill!

"But wait," you say! "I was born a woman!" That is no problem! The procedure goes both ways! Ladies, are you tired of not being able to read maps, navigate without asking directions, or pee standing up? This is your chance!

What's that you say? "But I'm afraid of a long-term commitment!" Then don't worry! You can have the next-best thing - you can be a transvestite, also known as a drag queen! After all, transvestism and transsexuality are the same thing - a sexual fetish! It's so easy to do that we're giving away this guide!

  1. Find the most exotic clothing you can - you are a special individual (which is why you're joining this movement), and so you should wear clothes that express that! Go wild - feather boas, fishnet stockings, stiletto heels - don't worry if you never actually see real women dress like that, because you're not a real woman!
  2. Wear a lot of makeup!
  3. Talk in a falsetto voice! Nobody can tell you're male if you're squeaking like Mickey Mouse!
  4. Act like a stereotypical woman! Show how much you love to cook and shop for shoes while saying how hard mathematics is! Pretend that you have an aversion to computers! Refuse to do any sort of physical exersion - after all, real women are weak and timid creatures, so you should be too!
  5. Buy shoes! Lots and lots of shoes!
  6. Take on an interesting name! Puns like "Amanda B. Reckonedwith" and "Pat E. Cakes" work very well to your favor, as do exotic names like "Shasta" and "Elvira!"
  7. For bonus points, become a total feminist bitch and a polyamorous pagan nature-worshipper!
  8. Become infatuated with anything even remotely transgender-related!
  9. Talk in a lisp!
  10. If you can't find or afford exotic stripper clothing, dress like your grandmother, the absolute epitome of femininity!
Remember the other benefits of becoming a transsexual! You can appear on Jerry Springer whenever you want - you'll be an international superstar! In fact, because Jerry Springer is broadcast over the air, you will undoubtedly be an intergalactic superstar as the broadcasts spread across the known universe!

"But will it hurt?" The answer is no - you will be anaesthetized!

What are you waiting for? Improve your social standing - opportunity awaits! Don't delay, sign up today!


You're sick. (2.66 / 3) (#5)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 10:36:49 AM PST
I know that you do purport to be a part of this movement. I think it's insane to want to have your balls cut off. If anyone thinks they were born a woman, they just have to look down. If you see a vertical slit with some protusions and hair surrounding it, you are a woman. If you have a long (or short, in the case of most adequacy readers) tube of meat hanging down with a funny looking skin bag with a couple oversized beans in it, then you're male. You could also go to a doctor and let them find out, as every woman as XX chromosomes, and every man has XY chromosomes.* If you end up neither male nor female, you are a freak and God hates you. You are a perverse creation of Satan. Dressing up like a woman is not fun either. God did not create men to wear g-strings and shop at Fredericks of Hollywood. Men are to buy tshirts and jeans. Men are to have holes in their underwear, and sweat stains on their shirts. That is the way God intended it. Therefore, unless you enjoy being an abomination before THE LORD please continue being either a man or a woman. You can't change now. If you really wanted to be a woman so badly you should have let the sperm with the X chromosome beside you get to the egg first.

* Fuck off.

I have to ask... (3.00 / 2) (#6)
by tkatchev on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 11:29:45 AM PST
Does it really matter? In actuality, there is very little difference between male and female members of our species.

Like it or not, but people are not animals; humans are God's special creation, we were given the gift of choice. We can transcend our animal nature if we wish. (Which is, thankfully, a goal that most people try to achieve. Except some satanists and g**ks.)

Peace and much love...

You have serious problems. (3.00 / 1) (#10)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 02:16:06 PM PST
Most people learn about the differences between males and females early on in life. I see that Russian schools and your parents have failed you, as has your common sense. Personally, I can tell some big differences in the female and male bodies. Maybe you just date the wrong women. Find some with large breasts, nice curves, and a vagina. If she doesn't let you find out about the last part, set up a spy camera in her home so you can watch her make peepee.

Babushkas! (1.00 / 4) (#11)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 02:36:14 PM PST
Had you seen many Russian women up close, you would understand his confusion. Most of these Russian babushkas are most definately a bit masculine looking.

I am sorry... (none / 0) (#14)
by fluffy grue on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 05:07:58 PM PST
I did not realize that having a medical condition which I have no control over was such an evil thing. I'll go kill myself now; thanks for pointing out that I have no right to exist! I'll stop wasting your precious oxygen.

Fucking idiot. (4.00 / 2) (#18)
by tkatchev on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 09:22:10 PM PST
Steps to success:
  1. Read my post again.
  2. Learn to read.
  3. Go kill yourself.

Thanks. You may now go back to surfing for manga porn in your highschool computer lab.

Peace and much love...

umm (none / 0) (#22)
by crayz on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 10:11:13 PM PST
shouldn't steps 1 and 2 be reversed?

No. (none / 0) (#31)
by tkatchev on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 01:35:56 AM PST
It's a "post-modernist" flame. That sort of thing is popular over here in decadent Europe.

Peace and much love...

Europe? (none / 0) (#37)
by nathan on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 09:19:29 AM PST
Russia is at least half Asian.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Maybe... (none / 0) (#39)
by hauntedattics on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 10:20:23 AM PST
even 2/3, if you draw the line at the Urals.

heh, (none / 0) (#42)
by nathan on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 12:14:21 PM PST
I meant by ethnicity.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Um, no. (none / 0) (#50)
by tkatchev on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 11:25:00 PM PST
Depends on where you live. (Please don't confuse Russia the government vs. Russia the nation, OK?)

Peace and much love...

I hate to bring this up... (none / 0) (#28)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 12:35:47 AM PST
But, apparrently in recent dialogues with higher order primates there has been discussion of gender reassignment. This just once again proves that monkeys are almost as fucked up as God's special creatures.

Please take your ignorance to /. (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by Adam Rightmann on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 12:03:23 PM PST
You are an affront to this site devoted to news for grown-ups.

I will give you a parting clue, women do not like to shop at Frederick's of Hollywoods, the cheap lace they use scratches. Also, given a choice, most women prefer sweat pants or flannels.

PErhaps some day when you are lucky enough to be in a state of wedded bliss, you will remember your ignorance.

A. Rightmann

Ooh! Ooh! (4.00 / 2) (#7)
by ana on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 11:42:51 AM PST
Me! Tolerate me!

Er... anyway, exclude me in. Or something.
Why not?

Come on, now... (5.00 / 1) (#17)
by Winter on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 07:03:32 PM PST
You've joined long ago, i assure you.

Um... (5.00 / 1) (#35)
by ana on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 09:10:41 AM PST
Thanks (I think)
Why not?

You *already* pee standing up (none / 0) (#23)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 10:18:20 PM PST
It's been documented. All you need now is a fab new drag queen name like "Oil Filter" or "Soul Eater" or... uh... man, do I suck at thinking up drag queen names.

OK. (none / 0) (#43)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 01:43:21 PM PST
You know who this is.

get yerself a name (none / 0) (#44)
by ana on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 01:51:09 PM PST
Take two, they're cheap.
Why not?

Actually... (4.75 / 4) (#8)
by hauntedattics on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 11:53:58 AM PST
apparently, women CAN pee standing up. This was discussed in a diary entry of mine awhile back... which I am, of course, too lazy to link to.

The resource you are looking for (4.00 / 1) (#12)
by nathan on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 03:01:55 PM PST
Right here.

Anyone try this yet?

Nathan... hmmm.
Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Yes they can (3.00 / 1) (#13)
by FifthVandal on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 03:32:25 PM PST
I actually saw a scene of a woman peeing standing up in the classic German art film 'Villa of 1000 Sins'.
--- I was the fifth vandal on the grassy knoll!

Be careful! (none / 0) (#16)
by fluffy grue on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 06:14:25 PM PST
I'll clue you in on something, since you seem nice enough. This is a common falsehood spread by transsexuals such as myself to disarm you about the truth - we're everywhere.

Women: A Ridiculous Liberal Myth (5.00 / 3) (#26)
by moriveth on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 11:50:55 PM PST
Thank you, fluffy, for opening my eyes.

All the pieces of the puzzle finally fall into place: The curious irrelevance of "women" in history before the 20th century, almost as if they had been penned in after the fact. The mysterious nonverbal signals of these "women," which are yet perfectly understandable to their co-conspirators. The uncontrollable attraction normal men feel towards these creatures, seemingly engineered to entice the eye. Their strange preference for well-muscled yet dim, unsuspicious, easily manipulated men.

The scope of the transsexual conspiracy staggers me, even as I am relieved that my repeated failures at attracting "women" were because of my obvious perspicacity rather than any personal lackings.

nitpick (5.00 / 1) (#36)
by nathan on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 09:18:36 AM PST
"transexualist" conspiracy, please.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Yes (1.00 / 1) (#27)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 12:29:27 AM PST
Yes, this is actually quite true. I used to take showers with my girlfriend, and often I would look down to see a stream of yellow running down my leg. I've heard this proves Freud's theory of penis envy.

Whilst she's never pissed down my leg (5.00 / 1) (#38)
by noah Oneye on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 10:12:30 AM PST
my girlfriend has also demonstrated her ability to pee standing up. I was brushing my teeth at the time, and quite impressed. She's been doing it for years in dirty bathrooms, just so's you know...

"...and in your free time you can make me sandwiches..."

makes you wonder (none / 0) (#40)
by nathan on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 11:35:29 AM PST
why more women don't just stand to pee.

The answer, of course, is male oppression.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

The other answer (5.00 / 2) (#45)
by hauntedattics on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 02:25:13 PM PST
is, of course, that we're not all as talented as noah oneye's girlfriend. But I think male oppression is the real reason. It's also the reason there are more stalls in male public bathrooms out there. Chicks everywhere - throw off the yoke and use the Men's!

more stalls in the gents? (none / 0) (#48)
by nathan on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 03:40:31 PM PST
Not that I have any basis for comparison, but this seems a little strange. Most urinals are not in stalls.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

No, see... (none / 0) (#51)
by hauntedattics on Wed Nov 21st, 2001 at 10:30:15 AM PST
You have stalls AND urinals, whereas we just have stalls.

Don't forget some of the fringe! (4.66 / 3) (#15)
by Winter on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 05:28:26 PM PST
For those who aren't daring enough to join the full-fledged movement there are middle grounds, such as androgyny- just don't pick a side. You can be "edgy" while being "safe"- and as a bonus, you can complain about either gender with relative impunity! Plus you can complain when people try to assign you specific genders, further confusing them. Yes, the 'gay' movement just isn't on the edge anymore- it's time to move on.

We need more genders. (4.00 / 1) (#19)
by Chocolate Milkshake on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 09:23:13 PM PST
I think the central problem here is that as human beings, we only have two genders to choose from. You can be male, female, or a combiantion of the two. How unimaginative. Given the wonderful things currently possible with scientific technology, it should not be all that difficult for scientists to come up with several more genders. That way, people could engage in five- or six-way sexual activities, thereby begetting children with multiple parents. Think of the evolutionary advantage to be gained from combining six people's chromosomes in a single individual! Think also of the interesting new genital forms that could be devised! Yes, the possibilites are truly delightful.

Sadly those few of our tax dollars that are invested in science, monies that could be spent developing fascinating new designer sexes, are instead squandered on useless space stations. Feh.

Genders (3.00 / 1) (#20)
by First Incision on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 09:36:25 PM PST
While, it only uses two genders, the five-way sexual activities you speak of are made possible by modern science. A child born today can have five-count 'em-five parents.

1. The infertile legal mother of the child
2. The infertile legal father of the child
3. The female egg donor.
4. The male sperm donor.
5. The surrogate mother that bears the in vitro fertilized embryo, and gives birth to the child.

Not only fun, but legal in Arkansas!
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

Two genders, Five parents? (2.00 / 1) (#21)
by Chocolate Milkshake on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 10:01:04 PM PST
That seems like something they'd have in Arkansas (rim shot). What a haul for the kid come Xmas: five-way presents!

However, I'm still hoping for bizarre new forms of genitalia to be developed.

I think you mean... (5.00 / 2) (#24)
by poltroon on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 10:27:37 PM PST
we of certain cultures have only two genders to choose from. We're trained to categorize people we see, fit them into one of our understood categories, but not all cultures have so few. Ever heard of berdaches?

I guess you're talking about freaky sex organs though, and not gender, which is commonly understood to involve the categorization of one's sexual identity.

We have them! (4.00 / 1) (#29)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 12:46:52 AM PST

Aside from hermaphroditism, there are actually about 3-5? total genders. XXY, XXXY, and I believe XXYY, or maybe XXXXY. This is very rare, but a delicatessen fo' sho'. I forget which one, but one of these is called Kleinfelter's syndrome- if you wish to research the shat. People with Kleinfelter's generally look like guys with extraordinarily long limbs...and I think they might be infertile.

Also, I would like genetic developers to start working on more sexually attractive produce. Pumpkins are only seasonal, and squash can be expensive. Apart from that, there are very few options, relative to XY females of course, for men.

As Cormac McCarthy one wrote: (3.00 / 2) (#30)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 12:57:15 AM PST
"Someone's been fuckin' my watermelons."

Rated 3? (none / 0) (#52)
by RobotSlave on Fri Nov 23rd, 2001 at 02:13:05 PM PST
So is that one rating of 5 for watermelon fucking, and one rating of 1 for quoting Cormac McCarthy?

© 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

you are confusing sex and gender (none / 0) (#32)
by em on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 01:50:43 AM PST
Sex is biological; gender is social.

Other readers already have thoughtfully put the only-2-sexes claim into question, so now I'll put the "there's only as many genders as there is sexes" claim to rest.

Quite simply, a "gender" is a system of social differentiation; it divides individuals into a set of classes that, while biologically motivated, ultimately are arbitrary. These classes are then ideologically elaborated, in ways that are much less biologically motivated than the initial division.

And, indeed, if you make a crosscultural survey the arbitrariness of the gender division becomes clearly evident. While societies always have a biologically motivated division of "man" and "woman", many societies have some additional, marginal categories, to which some people, e.g.\ eunuchs, belong. In India there are castes whose members, in terms of gender, are neither "men" nor "women" (the members are biologically male, and some are eunuchs).

The arbitrariness of gender roles and ideologies is, of course, even more obvious, so I won't bother to go into it.
Associate Editor,

Poppycock. (none / 0) (#53)
by RobotSlave on Fri Nov 23rd, 2001 at 02:40:32 PM PST
Everyone knows that gender was originally a synonym for "sex," ie, a purely biological designation. That the word has been usurped by the practitioners of feministism is unfortunate, as it creates exactly the sort of confusion that you are apparently beset with.

If you must use feministismist language to describe made-up idea-myths, then please stick to made-up jargon and terminology.

In the present case, I think the non-word you are looking for is "sexuality."

This is so sad. The scientific field of sexology has been deteriorating since Kraft-Ebbing's seminal work, and the degenerate variant promulgated in the contemporary "gender studies" departments of our crumbling universities is doing more harm than good.

© 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

Actually, not (none / 0) (#54)
by epepke on Sat Nov 24th, 2001 at 05:25:55 PM PST
"Gender" was originally a term for an additional language marker like number. German has three genders. Japanese has none. When a language has two or more genders, men are usually in one and women in the other, because it is linguistically desirable to distinguish between them. See Women, Fire, and Dangerous Things by George Lakhoff.

In the late 1800's, there was a wave of fussiness, and "gender" was substituted for "sex" in America for the same reason that "rooster" was substituted for "cockerel."

Only recently have the feministas gotten hold of it.

Sorry if I'm not sarcastic enough.

Thank you for the clarification. (none / 0) (#55)
by RobotSlave on Sat Nov 24th, 2001 at 06:39:10 PM PST
I was only aware of the meaning of the term as used by the pioneers in the field of sexology.

No slight to the noble field of linguistics was intended. My apologies.

© 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

other methods of payment? (4.00 / 1) (#25)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 10:37:01 PM PST
I friend of mine I know was going to move to San Fransico. Appearantly, if you work for the SF city government long enough, they will pay half the price of a sex change? Strange.

He had small developing breasts (from hormone therapy) and muscular, hairy arms.

Sign (3.50 / 2) (#33)
by Right Hand Man on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 04:22:58 AM PST
Wouldn't it be much more efficient to just post a sign in front of your house that reads:

Hey Satan, come on in and take my soul, I'm not using it anyway!

That way there would be no confusion. Really, the roles of men and women in service to the Lord are fairly well defined and they shouldn't be muddled.

"Keep your bible open and your powder dry."

Come now... (4.50 / 2) (#34)
by Winter on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 09:10:15 AM PST
Surely you jest! While there are some passages dedicated to dealing with this issue, you cannot be implying that it is of greater importance (spiritually) than- for example- the ten commandments. Pardon my shock, but such a claim seems ludicrous! Where is it so written- or is it merely a subversion of the good Lord's book to further your own agenda- an agenda that includes arbitrary reassignment of sins?

I don't think it's very trendy. (none / 0) (#46)
by theboz on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 02:43:59 PM PST
Come on now, being part of the horde is fashionable now.<p>
You have to blend in with the crowd, be just like everyone else. Be a straight, white, heterosexual male that goes to church every Sunday but is not too religious. You work 40 hours a week at your job, where you do traditional boring work. You have to own an SUV of some sort, and be married to a wife that has had plastic surgery. You drive you 2.5 kids to school every day and to their soccer games, just make sure you don't have any time for yourself. You don't read anything other than the fashionable books, never anything too philosophical or deep. You have to laugh at a racy joke every once in a while, but never repeat anything that would be too offensive. You have to talk to your friends about looking forward to your vacation, where you will go to socially assigned places such as Disney World. You have to discuss stocks with your friends, pretending that you will get rich from it and one day be able to afford a boat. You must always be either republican or democrat, however you may have no opinion on politics other than what the group currently in power promotes. You are to allow your children to run your life, because they are the younger generation, the hope for the future. When you get older, you are to be content to be placed into a nursing home, because you don't want to waste the time your children have to spend working. Don't be afraid of abandonment, because you are already dead.

oh geez (none / 0) (#47)
by nathan on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 03:39:29 PM PST
I think I see a train in the distance. It probably has a boxing society in it, too.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

yawn... (none / 0) (#49)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 06:23:14 PM PST
Go back to the Radiohead discussion forums. We don't want your cynicism here.


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